serious business

Okay, okay.  Joking about baby names is one of my favorite things to do right now, but I should have known better than to indulge in the practice in last week's post.  To the handful of you who were either appalled or delighted by our Joy of Cooking-inspired frontrunners, I apologize and officially retract said name ideas. (Sorry, Tim.  I know you were really attached to "Poach.")

People take this baby naming business very seriously.  I don't blame them.  Names are important.  I've spent the last thirty-some years convinced that I had the wrong name, and while it's too late for me, there's still time to make sure that our baby-to-be has the right one.

Lest you worry about our qualifications, let me assure you that my man and I have been amateur name critics for years.  We're apparently incapable of watching movie credits without reading half the names out loud, deeming them good or bad or just absolutely outrageous.  We know what we like.  And what we definitely don't.  Fortunately, we usually agree.

At one point, I suggested that we start a naming service.  We're both somewhat underemployed right now, and I thought this might be just the sort of niche we've been looking for.  It would allow us to be creative, to work for ourselves.  And we are very good at coming up with names.  Boy names.  Girl names.  Cat names.  We have more names that we could ever possibly use ourselves.  (Case in point: our dwarf hamster has at least three different names.)

Somewhere around the five or six month mark of this pregnancy, I toyed with the idea of bringing home some baby name books, but I never followed through.  Then I spent about two days obsessed with a website called Nymbler, which takes a list of names that you like and offers a giant pile of other names allegedly inspired by your original list.  This kept me occupied for a brief window of time, until my computer stopped loading the website properly. (Word of advice: Don't spend two days compiling a giant list of "maybe" baby names on a website unless you're sure you won't be upset by the prospect of abruptly and permanently losing access to said list.)

So now we've gone old-school, with a little notebook full of names and tiny scraps of paper that I've written things down on so I wouldn't forget them later.  We've spent a fair amount of time discussing our options.  Honestly, though, I don't think we're any closer to a short list now than we were when we started.

Here are the criteria:

1. No "L" names.  Unless we suddenly decide otherwise, baby's last name will start with an L, and I just don't like alliteration that much.

2. No "J" names.  Unfortunately, there are already way too many J's on my man's side of the family, and while I might be able to tolerate just one more, my partner-in-crime has made his feelings clear on this.

3. No flower names for girls.  Or, presumably, for boys.  Again, this isn't my rule.  I like names like Violet and Daisy.  Not enough to really fight for the right to use them, though, I guess...

4. No "hipster" names.  Granted, this one is wide open to interpretation.  For a taste of what we're up against, trying Googling "hipster baby names."  Atticus and Clementine are definitely out.  While my man came up with the "hipster name" rule, I would at least say that I'd rather not have our child share a name with four or five kindergarten classmates.  If it's incredibly popular, we're probably not interested.

5. No creative spellings and no "invented" names.  This one is my rule.  Everyone has to make their own decision about things like this, but this is where I stand.  I'm an English major.  Sue me.

So that's what we're up against.  That and a deadline of, oh, let's say fifty days.  I'm pretty sure we'll eventually work something out, but I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being an incredibly last-minute decision.

So here's your chance, people.  While I'm not quite ready to put the matter up for a popular vote, I definitely think we could use some public feedback.  Any names we should--or shouldn't--consider?  Other tips or suggestions?  By all means, comment below!

(Speaking of votes, the winner of "Most Useless Piece of Baby Gear" in last week's poll? The wipes warmer, of course, by a landslide.  Thank you, poll participants!  Rest assured, we will not be investing in said warmer.)