what babies do

I was warned about crying and howling. I was prepared for sleepless nights and endless conversations about poop. Everyone promised me that I would be exhausted beyond belief and that my brain cells would dwindle to a number that could be counted on one hand. Nobody, though, told me this:

Babies are boring.

Seriously. They sleep all the time. They sleep when you're trying to feed them. They sleep when you're taking them on exciting adventures, like to a birthday party for a favorite auntie.*

While they will absolutely refuse to sleep on any surface specifically designed for the purpose, like, say, a crib, there is a slim chance that they might sleep on the living room couch for ten to twenty minute stretches.

Above all other options, they prefer to sleep on top of mamas and daddies, which is how this particular mama has managed to consume an entire season of Grey's Anatomy and a season and a half of True Blood, just in the past week. **

An unfortunate downside to this arrangement is that one, if not both, of my arms is being monopolized by a small person, preventing me from performing any task that requires six or more fingers.***

And of course, I know I'm supposed to "sleep when the baby sleeps." I'm starting to regard this as a funny cliche that people share with new parents, rather than something that anyone actually does. As far as pithy advice goes, I prefer "fantasize about doing the dishes while the baby sleeps."  Or maybe "wish you were taking a shower while the baby sleeps."

It's pretty obvious, though, if you're looking at this post, that my favorite thing to do while this particular baby sleeps is watch her sleep. In spite of her ability to decimate brain cells, dominate our tiny apartment, and literally immobilize me, she fascinates me by doing something as simple as breathing.

*Before the cat fights begin, you are all her favorites. Clearly.
**Season six and seasons three and four, respectively.
***Total number of fingers used to type this post: four.